


Jet Kills Peter Nureyev ASMR

by muppreg



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: This is a direct response to floyd's most recent crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muppreg/pseuds/muppreg
Summary: Jet is angry.
Relationships: Past Peter Nureyev/Ruby 7, Ruby 7 & Jet Sikuliaq
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	Jet Kills Peter Nureyev ASMR

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [gotta feel for my automobile](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25155277) by [divorceadvocate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/divorceadvocate/pseuds/divorceadvocate). 



> Hi! This is a sequel to Floyd's fic in which Nureyev fucks the Ruby 7 (Or, more accurately, she fucks him.) You should read that fic first, as much as it pains me to recommend it. This fic does not contain explicit scenes, but it does reference explicit content. Also, Jet clubs Nureyev to death with a tire iron, so yeah, fair warning! I tried not to make it too graphic.

The telltale sound of the Ruby parking in the garage was my signal to stand. I had been waiting for her return, as well as the return of our thief. The two had gone on a shopping trip together, which had interrupted my plans to continue my experiments with the Ruby. Her design still fascinated me, even after many months of investigation. 

The thief was sweaty when he entered the main room. As soon as he saw me, he blushed. He avoided my gaze and made his way toward the communal bathroom. I knew for a fact that Rita was in the middle of washing her hair, a process which would take her some time. She often sings in the shower. I enjoy listening to her sing. That day, though, her singing was not enough to calm my growing suspicion, so I made my way to the garage.

Ruby was parked next to the other car. Her headlights still glowed, though they turned off as soon as I entered the room, as though she, too, had been blushing. This alarmed me, and so I approached her with caution. 

My external inspection was quick. Everything was in order, aside from a slow drip of oil from Ruby's exhaust pipe. I dismissed that as a secondary concern and entered the Ruby-7.

Her interior was steamy. This was my first real clue that something was wrong.

"You're warm, Ruby," I said. She whistled brightly. Something about her whistle alarmed me. I reached for the gearstick to soothe her, and that was my first mistake.

There was a handprint streaked on her window. I frowned at it. It reminded me of a scene from a movie Rita had shown me the week before. I did not remember the name of the stream, but it had been about a large boat which had been constructed in such a way that it was destroyed by a tiny scratch in its hull. This had stricken me as ridiculous. I had said as much to Rita, but she told me it was from ancient times, back before Earthlings realized that extra-strength steel was not the panacea for all engineering problems. In either case, there had been a scene where the two romantic leads had sex in a car which was also on the boat, another detail which had seemed ridiculous at the time. The scene had been, in a literal sense, very steamy, and the woman had left a handprint in the steam on the windowpane. This association worried me.

The gearstick was covered in a fine, sticky substance. When I pulled my hand away, strings of it clung to my fingers, then fell. I lifted my hand to my nose to smell the substance in order to determine its origins. This was my second mistake.

I immediately wiped my hand on my pant leg and stepped out of the car. She let out a nervous whistle. I patted her hood in a way that was likely much less calming than I meant it to be. I strode out of the garage and back into the main room of the ship, where the thief was grabbing a snack from the fridge.

"Come to the garage," I said to him.

He laughed. "Whatever for?" he asked. "Did I leave something in the car?"

"Yes," I said. My anger rose. "I need you to come and retrieve it."

"Ah." The thief paused. "I... suppose I should."

He followed me out to the garage. Once we had stepped through the door, I gestured for him to walk in front of me. He did so, though he did so nervously. I grabbed a tire iron from the workbench by the door and followed him.

"Thief," I said, "what is the meaning of this goop?"

He frowned. "I'm... afraid I don't quite catch your meaning," he said, still not meeting my eye. " _Goop_?"

"There is a sticky substance on the gearshift," I said. "I smelled it. I suspect that you have had sex with the Ruby, despite the fact that she is a car, and that you are in a committed relationship with Juno Steel. Is this correct?"

"Um," said the thief.

"Let me repeat myself, in case I was unclear. You fucked my car."

"Uh," said the thief.

"Or did my car fuck you?" I asked.

"That may be more accurate," said the thief. His voice was suddenly very small.

"That is all the answer I need," I informed him.

Then, I beat him to death with a tire iron. When I was finished, I turned to the camera and said, very clearly, "Fuck you, Floyd." Then I went inside and watched a stream with Rita, and the rest of my day was uneventful.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't that funny, but I wrote 10k words today to finish a 62k fic for my main account, and frankly, I am tired


End file.
